Friday, October 07, 2011

q & a

i took a class on the first half of the doctrine and covenants at byu many years ago (i took one on the second half, too, but i think i mentioned that earlier this week) and really liked my teacher.  one thing i remember him saying was that when you're engaged to someone, that should be interview time; a time to ask the big questions and the hard questions and the scary questions.

that sounded like good advice and i liked it.  but one thing that i thought about was that that's kind of scary.  you don't want to be looking forward to marrying the person and then uncover things that would destroy it.
now, as i'm writing that i can see that, actually, yes, that's pretty much is what you do want to do.  if there is something that would jeopardize you relationship, you'd want to know about it now, rather than getting surprised once you've made the commitments to each other and to the Lord.

but i was thinking about it this summer and saw it in a different light as well.  this interview time isn't just to find anything that might not make it work, but to research to know what you're getting yourself into so that you can make it work.  people aren't perfect.  maybe there are mistakes, maybe there are just differences in ways of approaching or thinking about things.  when you love someone, you're hopefully willing to look past their shortcomings and faults, so it most likely isn't to find reasons not to be together, but to learn how to stay together.
if you're planning a trip to istanbul (someday...) you'd look up all that you can about the customs, the culture, the past, so that you know what to prepare for, what to expect, and how best to fit in.  that way, you'll enjoy the trip much more than if you just went over there and soon found yourself wishing you'd brought an adapter for your ipod and a jacket instead of shorts.

getting to know a person and asking questions isn't looking for reasons to break it, but rather learning how to adapt, to fit, and to make it work and really awesome.

editor's post-script: this is another one of those posts that didn't come out quite as clearly and succinctly as we'd played it out in our heads.  such is life in a fallen world.

1 comment:

The Former 786 said...

My wife and I actually had a couple of these "interviews" over Instant Messenger and text. It strangely worked well for us. And I totally agree with this post. Not every negative is a deal-breaker.