Sunday, September 19, 2010

sunday is a special day

in high school, i worked at sunmart, the local grocery store. i worked there because all of my friends worked there. every week we would give any time off requests we had to darby, who was in charge of making the schedules. and every week i would ask for sundays off.
once or twice i would forget to submit my request to have sunday off and it seemed that i would inevitably be working that day. i don't know if darby didn't catch on that i didn't like working sundays or if he was just glad to have a someone to schedule that day so someone could have it off, but whatever the reason, i occasionally worked a sunday.

one day i came in after church and was talking with the wife beater. i don't remember his real name, but that's what a couple of girls who hung out with us called him, because, as they superficially judged him, he looked like some guy who would beat his wife: he had shaggy hair and drove an old brown car from the seventies. frankly, i think he looked kind of like ashton kutcher from "that seventies show", but whatever. he was a few grades below me in school and was actually a really nice guy. i liked him.

anyway, i came in and was talking with the wife beater (i think his name may have been jesse). not wanting to sound all churchy but still not happy with having to work on the sabbath, i commented to him that, "i don't know why, but i just feel weird working today."
with matter-of-factness, the wife beater replied, "i think that's because sunday is a sacred day and we're supposed to keep it holy."
"um, yeah, me, too."

well said.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

glamour shots

seizing the moment for some good portraits during shooting for a class project. (more on that when it's finished...)

so, which one should i use for my new facebook profile?

Sunday, September 12, 2010

the greater good

i'm glad i'm here.
i'll start off with that.

there are times when i imagine what it would be like if i were back in provo, still. and what? assisting on an occasional movie and just hanging around, being awesome, mostly.
been there, done that.

life here isn't as elysian as it was behind the red door. there, i had gotten to the point where everything was in its place for the most part: i was working enough to pay my bills and store a little in the bank, liked my ward and was usually teaching sunday school, played mario kart with my brother on sundays, saw my sister and nephews regularly, and had some seriously dang friends to watch movies, go shoot junk, or hang out at ihop.

in a way, it was kind of like playing a dragon warrior game, where i had gone through every castle and dungeon, collected every treasure chest and completed every side quest. i could wander around some, but there wasn't much left to do but go fight the final boss and finish the game. (not that i'm saying my life in provo was perfect or that i had all the answers, please don't misunderstand)

on the drive down to texas, tim reminded me of something that i said at my birthday party: i have the greatest group of friends in the world and i wouldn't trade [them] for anything. ...except that i am.
at times, that's echoed around in my mind.

i've told myself that i didn't want to be someone who sacrifices family and friends for career pursuits; and that's not my nature. i'm not that kind of a person.
so what was i doing leaving behind a circle of friends whom i valued more than just about anything else in the world?

the answers aren't too difficult, but i've still had to remind myself at moments just the same.
first, the immediacy of friendship can be transitory. in other words, especially in singlehoodnesship, our lives in the midst of change and flux. people get married or move away or whatnot. in the four years of movie night, the roster turned over completely at least three times (with the exception of mark).
in that respect, i'm glad that i was able to leave on such a high note, friendshiply speaking.

second, that circle of friends, though seriously dang, is not my ultimate goal. i want a family, and i want to be able to provide for said imaginary family. as a camera assistant, i wasn't quite seeing that. and i've essentially spent six years looking in to that and did not find what i was looking for.

so, i've given up something really wonderful in the hopes of laying a foundation for something even greater still.

and that means starting over. when you finish dragon warrior 2, you've got all the armor and the spells so that nothing can really stop you. but when you pop in dragon warrior 3, at the start it's just you with a wooden sword and a shirt.
such is my state now.

it takes patience to start anew. i make friends for life, but that takes time. another pearl of wisdom tossed out by tim on our cross-country drive is that you make friends in three stages:
1. location. people who live by you or who are in your classes; i've seen you before, let's do something.
2. interests. other nerds who like computer animation or black and white foreign films or the restored gospel. we have something in common; cool, let's hang out.
3. people you actually like. often distilled from groups 1 & 2, though not exclusively nor automatically. if you're reading this, you might be a three.

you can't force it. it takes time. and it's hard to start over. but you have to start somewhere. even in the blessed 223rd, i didn't make friends on sunday so much as during the other activities, most notably f.h.e. group 2. at this point, i haven't had the opportunity to go to many ward activities down here, but this week it's looking like i'll be able to go to f.h.e., institute, and the temple trip on friday (still getting used to having the closest temple be 90 minutes away).

i'm a people person. the usual connotation i carry with that term is the guy at the party who's going around and meeting everyone, so that by the end of the night he can name all of their names and has likely sold them an apex alarm system or two.
that's not me.
rather, people make the difference for me. while our trips to moab, lagoon, or the festival of colors are all awesome, i equally cherish the memories i have of a post-movie night ihop run, of a good rock band song, or a trip to the i.c. nothing particularly extravagant in the description, but being with the friends i really like makes it seriously dang awesome.

i don't know where life will take me, or even what life will be like here.
but here is where i'm supposed to be now. and i'm glad i'm here.
and i will always love and hold my friends in utah.

mark, i await your comment.

Wednesday, September 08, 2010

Wednesday, September 01, 2010

final texts of the utah era

i didn't have time to finish the post about school that i started earlier this evening, so i will put up the numbers. personally, i'm always interested in seeing how they change with the ebb and flow of life.
  1. kristin 525
  2. jaime 447 (nice to see you back in competition)
  3. shaun 429
  4. jess 268
  5. mark 155
and in 11th place, joel, with 39.