Monday, October 03, 2011

for the strength of ysa

dating is awesome.
no, wait....

dating rots.
no, not exactly....

trying to find someone to share your life with a heck of a lot of work for many of us.  but life is better with company.
and in the lds culture, marriage is an important and desired goal.  while there are apparently some out there who are shirking marriage and enjoying the single life (it's got plenty of perks), it seems that for me and a lot of my friends, it's too easy too think about getting married almost immediately after you begin dating someone.  do i want to be with this person forever?  what about this? what about that?  what if this happens?  i barely know them!  waaaaah!!
and lo, one freaks out the other.

there are some exceptions to this: i was out with some friends once and dropped a girl off around 11 p.m. to meet a guy for a blind date; they spent the whole next day together and were engaged the following morning.  i think they're about to celebrate their one year anniversary.
i have another friend who, from the day he met his wife, had never spent a day apart from her for the first few years of their marriage.

but for most of us, you meet someone, craziness happens to one degree or another, and if you think she's awesome and she thinks you're awesome, maybe you can be celestial rock stars and rule the world in awesomeness.
....provided you don't freak out by thinking about it all too much and too soon.

during our teenage years, we have a little pamphlet called "for the strength of youth" that gives guidelines on everything from dress and appearance to music to dating (and, if you're a spiritual overachiever, you still carry one with you....  hi.)  in recently talking with a friend who was concerned that she might be "pulling up the daisies to see how the roots are doing," (i like that phrase) i suggested, what if the church leaders told us we couldn't even think about getting married until after we'd been dating someone for four months?  take time to get to know the person, let them disappoint you and hurt you, let them surprise you and sweep you off your feet.  enjoy just dating them and savor the moment.  the roots are growing down below, even if you can't see them.

marriage is awesome.  but so is dating.  ...when you've got someone to enjoy it with.
life moves pretty fast.  you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.


Becky said...

I like your four month idea...I remember talking to my roommate about this (you know who it is)--she would go on a date and say, "I'm not sure if I like him or not." And I replied, "Well, right now all you need to know is if you want to go out with him on another date--do you want to see him again or not?" That made it easier to digest, too. Of course, you know me, and it was much easier to give advice than apply it!

kwistin said...

sounds like a good suggestion. :)

i like becky's, too.

The Former 786 said...

I appreciate the plethora of Ferris Bueller references lately!

And I have a story. I got freaked out many times while dating when thinking about marriage and eternity early on. I would wonder where the relationship was going and if I couldn't see potential or got scared thinking about it, the relationship would fall apart.

I noticed this destructive pattern and decided, one day, to not overthink the next relationship I was in. I would simply date the girl, keep it "light and fluffy" and just enjoy the ride. Little did I know that the next girl I dated would end up being my wife.

Now, did that just happen to be the way things shook out? Or did my change in attitude make the difference? I don't know. Regardless, it's good dating advice for anyone.