this is why i fight

i believe in love.

i really do.  if i didn't, i'd probably be married by now.  i would have found some nice girl who met a good enough standard of requirements to make a fine companion and great, there you go.

but, no.

president hinckley quoted this story many years ago:

“one of the great errors we are inclined to make when we are young is supposing that a person is a collection of qualities, and we add up the individual’s good and bad qualities, like a bookkeeper working on debits and credits.

“if the balance is favorable, we may decide to enter (into marriage) … the world is full of unhappy men and women who married because … it seemed to be a good investment.

“love, however, is not an investment; it is an adventure. and when marriage turns out to be as dull and comfortable as a good investment, the dissatisfied partner soon turns elsewhere …

“ignorant people are always saying, ‘i wonder what he sees in her [or him],’ not realizing that what he [or she] sees in her [or him] (and what no one else can see) is the secret essence of love.”

i don't believe that love and marriage is like the ending of a disney fairy tale or of a romantic comedy, where everything is suddenly grand and glorious and that's it.
and yet i refuse to accept the notion that all of the flowers and colors fade after a few years or even a few months when "reality" sets in.

there's a fine line between those two, where love and hard work coexist, and if i'm going to err, it will be towards the disney side.  frustrations, miscommunications, irritations, disappointments, sure.  but dang it, the girl i marry is the one i want to be with and she's the one i chose and i don't want to go through those experiences with anyone else.  having the one you love by your side, whether it's making dinner on sunday afternoon or touring some beautiful part of the world or even cleaning the bathroom; if she's there, then it is grand and glorious.

i've felt that a couple of times.  brief moments, far too brief, especially when contrasted with the option of forever, but enough to know that it is real.  and knowing that those feelings are out there, yes, that is why i fight.  that love is what i fight for.

president hinckley again put it well when he said, "it was you who felt that there was no one else in all the world quite like her.  it was you who wished to have her forever."

"no one else in all the world quite like her."  i like that.  heck yes.  that is how it feels, and it's wonderful.
it's also bloody rare.

i don't know how it happens.  i don't know what elements cause that reaction, how to create it.
but i know that love is out there.

that is what i see when i look in the mirror of erised.

i believe in it, i have felt it, and that is why i fight.

and, after i find it, i'll keep fighting.