Sunday, May 22, 2011

just try it

so this one time, i was having lunch with a friend.  i had an awesome pastrami sandwich and a small bowl of some of the best italian pasta salad i'd had in a long time (the sandwich came with a pickle, too).  she was telling me about this guy she'd been dating.
things weren't going well and never really had in the five or so weeks that they'd been trying it out.  he had pursued her for a while and finally she decided to give it a shot.  their schedules were crazy busy but she'd started making changes to spend more time with him.  he had, too, but she still felt very neglected and often felt like she was an afterthought.  they had started dating at a hectic time and, she noted, they never really had a good chance.

she was hurt.  he felt terrible that it wasn't working out at all even thought he thought he was trying so hard.  "and that's the sad thing, jeff," she'd said a few days earlier.  "he is trying so hard and it's still not working at all!"  in trying to acknowledge the reality of the situation and his deficiency, he asked her if she could remember two days in a row where he hadn't disappointed her or hurt her feelings.
she couldn't remember a time.

i felt terrible.  i didn't like seeing a friend so sad and frustrated.  and i thought it was interesting that, after he working so hard to win her affection, how much she was now sacrificing in her life to make it work.

the day that we were having lunch, they had earlier held their nth d.t.r. (and, as one of my roommates had once noted, d.t.r.s are almost never good...)

but this one had been.

they both really wanted to make it work and so they did.  they took turns talking honestly, explaining how they each communicated, why they said the things they did, what they were trying to express, and what they needed from the other, since both were willing to give, they just didn't know what to give.
they left the seemingly-doomed meeting with hope on the horizon.

when my friend politely asked if she could check her phone during our lunch, i couldn't help but feel warm and fuzzy as she smiled at the text she'd received. "he misses me," she shared.

master yoda once taught me, "do or do not.  there is no try."
i used to think he meant, "don't say you'll 'try.'  either you decide to do it or you decide not to."  as i heard in church last sunday, whether you say you can or you can't, you're right.
but maybe it's that trying leads to doing.
that, sometimes, trying is doing.


The Former 786 said...

It's true, DTRs are almost never good, so I was surprised to see this one worked out.

Also, thanks for the new angle on Yoda wisdom. I had never thought of it that way.

Em said...

Probably a good thing to figure out early on that a couple's commitment to the relationship is exponentially more vital to the perpetuation of it than anything called chemistry.

kwistin said...

interesting situation.

but, as i read on a wonderful friend's blog one time,

"to love at all is to be vulnerable. love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken ... the only place outside of heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is hell." -c.s. lewis


and i really liked the "do or do not" example; you're right. sometimes, trying is doing. that tidbit gave me some really good perspective for something similar in my life.

oh, and i really liked em's comment.

ei blot til lyst~