Sunday, March 15, 2009

jen's tag: five things

a number of months ago, jaime tagged me to list six little-known things about myself.  i did it and it was fun.
then jen tagged me.  it took me a while to know that i was actually tagged, because she often refers to me as "goose".
so, here's round 2:

the zero: the tag said five things, but, as i just mentioned "goose", i may as well explain that.  in japanese, the best way i could adapt "gustafson" was "gu-su-ta-fu-son."  what was once cumbersome enough with three syllables was now a mouthful of five, and it very soon became a nuisance.  so, it was soon shortened to "gu-su", i.e. "goose."  not the coolest animal name in the world (that goes to "lazar wolf" from fiddler on the roof), but i came to love it.  the name became so established that one missionary was surprised to learn that my name was not actually "jeff goose."
in situations where there are multiple "jeffs" (usually on film shoots) i revert back to "goose".  thus, the only people who call me "goose" anymore are either rooted in the mission or a few select movie projects. but i still like it.

the first: i have an "old man leg."  as in, "i can predict the weather."  actually, it's just the seasonal change from winter to spring and from summer to fall; from hot to cold or vice versa.  it started when i was around the end of high school, and the basic idea is that my right tibia (my shin bone) feels like it's rotting from the inside out.  depending on how i step on it, it can really hurt.  so much that my mom sent me to the hospital for x-rays because, when i suggested that maybe it's like an old man leg, she astutely noted that i was too young for an old man leg.  nevertheless, the tests came back negative and it still hurts twice a year.  i've never charted it to see how long after the "rotting" does the season generally change; though i may not know the date, i know it's coming.  and i'm guessing i'll start feeling it soon...

the second: i quite enjoy going to the grocery store.  there's an inherent excitement about a grocery store for me that i've had ever since i was a little kid.  i like the freshness of all the vegetables, all the different cuts of meats, the chill of the dairy section.  it seems i mostly like the perimeter of the store (which, as em recently noted, is the healthiest part anyway).  i like stopping to notice and try new things i usually pass by (alton brown noted that the modern grocery store has over 10,000 different items, yet most shoppers rarely deviate from a list of about 100 items).  yes, it's just a grocery store, but part of me sees it like an exciting library, stocked full of new, undiscovered adventures.

the third:  i like being one on one with people.  there's a different shift when it's just two people.  people seem to be more trusting, and conversations become more honest and meaningful.  for some reason, no matter how good of friends people are, when the numbers go down to two, it's different.  not always, but often.  and, usually, i like that.

the fourth:  i held the unofficial world record for the longest snow tube chain.  we were at a ward tubing activity at soldier hollow.  one of the workers said that a group that was there the week before asked about such a world record.  they called the guiness book and there was no established entry yet, so, technically, what they did would be the longest.  i think they linked sixty-some tubes together and went down.
well, that was challenge enough for us.  a group of us gathered about a third the way down the hill and established ourselves there and began calling at others as they were arriving at the top of the hill.  it took us two tries, as the front lines broke once and sent us down the hill before we could get set, but, on our second run, i think we had about 85 people in on it.  there was no representative from guiness there to certify our work, but, in our hearts, we were the champions.
that monday, why my photography teacher asked if anyone did anything cool over the weekend, i announced our accomplishment.  "now that's the kind of 'excitement' i'm talking about!" he said.

the fifth: i was "tape man."  tape man didn't really catch on, but that's beside the point.  
in the early years of the new millennium, byu's student film council once hatched a unique promotional idea for the annual student film festival: a giant vhs tape mascot.  the details leading up to the day allude me, and i don't remember if i was ever consulted beforehand, but i somehow ended up being the one inside the amateur mascot.  cosmo the cougar jumps on trampolines, rides a skateboard down arena stairs, and shoots a t-shirt cannon.  the tape man costume was a heavy, blocky foam contraption with a face-screen that sat at about my throat and two arm holes in the front.  the way the costume rode on me, i could only extend my forearms, bent at the elbows, leaving me with less mobility than the earliest incarnations of r2-d2.
with my identity safely concealed, i waddled out into the byu quad, guided by a few other film students, to hand out "final cut" flyers.  because the face-screen was four inches below my mouth, no one could hear me, and so i wasn't much different than a vending machine with t-rex arms, handing out information for yet another student activity.  
at one point, someone slapped all of the flyers from my hands onto the ground.  i couldn't see in front of me, but realized that, if they were still within range, i could just fall forward, letting the practical joker be body-slammed by a giant vhs cassette.  as i was pondering how i would get up and what would happen to my protruding arms in the process, i heard one of the film student girls come over and yell at my attacker.  with nothing else to do, i struck the best "jazz hands" i could muster and did a little dance.

as these are five little-known things about me, i suppose i should establish five things i presume you know about me:
a. i can sing, but i can't dance
b. i'm fascinated with the old testament
c. i'm a sucker for the criterion collection
d. i love dark chocolate, swiss cheese, and salt and vinegar chips (not all together)
e. i love san dimas

i tag brady, tim, mark, and em.

5 comments:

Laurie said...

Please, please re-create your Giant Tape Man story in a short film. Please.

Jack said...

i didn't know you also have an old man leg...awesome.

remember being the first ones on the tube chain?

Jaime said...

wow. that was entertaining. i now, have an old man FOOT. (same same, but different) my favorite was tape man, and your thinking of falling onto an annoying zoobie, but then doing jazz hands instead. ha!

Em said...

Your 2nd and 3rd make me feel all that more like we should be friends.
Ditto and Ditto.

And I'll get around to this tag someday when there's not a kid on my lap while I type.....

Jen said...

That was an awesome list. The rotting shin feeling sounds delightful. Please let us know when true Spring weather is approaching so I can start packing away the coats. And do you have a picture of the VHS costume?? Wish we could've seen that in person! P.S. You should've knocked the guy down! Fewer things are more shameful than being slammed down in public by a VHS tape. The guy totally deserved it. An eye for an eye, right?! ;)