Saturday, April 28, 2012

like a rolling stone

i spent the evening in the studio at school with a canvas, my ipod, and some markers.

i've stayed focused this week and it's paid off. my roommates today noted that they haven't seen me since tuesday and i didn't come home until 6 a.m. this morning, but i finished all of my video projects and my shading assignment was selected as part of the class demo reel for next week's show. there's still more to do for the show and i'm not letting myself slow down yet. i shopped for materials before stake conference. after conference, i was in the studio.

today was one of those days where no one texted me back.
the only proof i had that i had my service was even working was a brief exchange between brandon and myself, excited about a few of our videos getting selected for the show's main exhibition.
and while it's not the end of the world by any account, it's hard not to imagine your friends checking their phones and going, "meh."

so i used that feeling of isolation to propel my work and decided that i may as well enjoy the feeling of being a lonely artist on a saturday night. and with a good playlist and a can of code red mountain dew, i did.

as i was prepping my canvas, i thought it was starting to look pretty cool and began wondering if i should make it my project as it was.

i finished it a few hours later and feared that i might have been right about that. the end result was... lackluster. a few weeks ago, to the delight of my professor, i refuted the incorrect interpretations of my "power of vulnerability" piece (which was also accepted into the show, thank you.) he and i also talked a bit about my work and where i am and he noted that my ideas are strong, but that i'm not fully committed to being an artist and that it shows in my work.

and that's a fair statement. i'm not. i'm working to be a layout artist at an animation studio, not a fine artist in a gallery. but it did raise the question of what could i accomplish if i focused more? i'm often actually rather pleased with my ideas in the conception, but i don't think i follow and develop them as extensively as they deserve.
staring at the finished product from tonight's work, i think that's probably true.

perusing facebook before writing here, i saw an essay by ben folds about advice to aspiring musicians. one of his first points felt applicable to me tonight:
Finding your Voice takes a lot of frustrating time. That's a painful period that all artists go through, sometimes more than once. I think that most artists don't want to admit that period ever existed. We all like to pretend we came out special and it all just magically happened. You will eventually find that it takes no effort to just be yourself, but the road to that place can be long and rough. The truth is that most artists would not want you to see the evolution of their Voice. It would be very embarrassing. Imitating your heroes, trying on ill advised affectations. It's all part of the trip. It's why all those Before They Were Stars footage is so cringe worthy. Nobody wants to be seen in that light and so successful musicians do the new generation a disservice by denying their shady artistic past. I for one, will do my best to cover my tracks because I don't want anyone seeing that sh*t!
a few more lines i liked:

Be schooled in form and technique as much as you can swallow and abandon it when you feel it's nearly killed you.

How many times do we say or hear "they're trying tooooo hard!" I say, try try and try again but just put the effort into the right things.

in fact, i liked the whole essay enough that i'm going to put it up as a separate post here, just so i have it.
but your obligation as a faithful sheep go to heaven reader ends now.

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