Friday, September 08, 2006

my tiny, personal scream

i'm here in the library on a friday night.
as a student, i think i would have felt like a lamer, that even if i weren't out on a date, it is at least better to be home than at the library.
but now that i'm a cougar alumnus, i feel above the reproach of the college social rules, and actually feel a little studious and disciplined, being here on a lovely night.

but apart from writing my dad a nice birthday e-mail, i haven't done much.

today has not been my day. much of that is my fault, for when you do not get off to the right start, the whole thing goes out of whack.

i am going to write the things that are bothering me. i just read the most recent writing's on em's blog, and she is preparing to make a full-blown cross country journey to leave her family and take her son and join her husband, starting grad school with so many unknowns before them. i know em will make it; she is awesome, and i've seen her in rough situations before, and would want her on my team, were she available to work on a movie. she's good and will get you through it.
my frustrations do not compare to hers, but i will write because i want to write.
  • i'm upset that i haven't written more, that so many good ideas and theses have been lost to the passing of meaningful time, lapses in memory, or lost in sheer volume of ideas.
  • that my computer is confusing me; quicktime will not run for some reason; in attempting to clear out more disk space, i lost a handful of non-essential but still apprecaited programs [solitaire's loss may have been for the best]; and that my nice savings to buy a new mac have been depleted to pay the bills [i suppose i should be glad i didn't buy the computer]
  • that internet availability at our house is sketchy at best, working really at the only the most inopportune times, making things just that much more frustrating [on the other hand, it is nice to be back at the library; i just wish i had the time to enjoy being here right now]
  • that my sister informed me last night that she was indeed running the triathalon tomorrow, after deciding last week not to go. and, since i want to run one with her and this is our last chance, i am going, too, despite not having swam in many, many months and that i haven't fully secured a bike yet and it is 9:30 friday night and we are leaving at 5 a.m. tomorrow. i'm really quite nervous about this.
  • that my phone died when my friend who was going to loan me the bike called.
  • that i had so many things to do today and hardly did any of them.
  • that all the friends i tried to contact this evening just to say and have some 'friend contact' did not reply for one unknown reason or another.
  • i guess that's about it.
  • i want to write blogs, journals, work on this movie thing, buy more equipment so i can be a better and more confident camera assistant, read so many books, watch so many great movies and then write about them.
  • and my room is perpetually messy, which doesn't really help anything.
  • i could use a hug.
  • or a cat.

3 comments:

Em said...

first a cyber-hug your way.
And if you tried to call me (which I don't think you did) then I apologize for my bad habit of not being in the same room as my phone - gotta get me some pockets. That problem should go away with living in a smaller space.
And isnt it funny how much of our stress is either caused by money or could be solved with more money? Yeah, me too.

Anonymous said...

DOUBLE cyber-hug. :)

Dane said...

Sorry about Solitaire, but it's actually a blessing-in-disguise in that it will lead you to the true source of digital distraction: Angband. May your days be filled with 'y's 'D's '!'s and a fuzzy '@'.