Thursday, October 28, 2010


this summer i worked a commercial with a way-cool german guy who was a camera assistant on the pirates of the caribbean movies. he had some really cool stories that made me glad i wasn't on those shows. he had also recently moved to utah and had an impressive experience on how he joined the church. and he said something that stuck with me: "i thought repentance would be the hardest part. but enduring to the end is much harder."

he wasn't being pessimistic or even giving up. it's simply the way things are.

it's one thing to make a decision to make changes, especially when you know that it's the right move. but when you've actually acted on that, left behind what you had in the jump to the better choice, it can be pretty dang rough.
hard to believe that there will actually be a better land ahead.
that the hardships you're going through now will lighten.
that the Lord does indeed see our sacrifices, that the battles we fight in the chambers of our heart are not meaningless, but that we are growing, moving to a better way of life.
that our joy we once felt will not be just returned, but in given in double.

i believe those things. i believe that, although the path has gotten dark and shadowy, that i'm just a little afraid of that dark but i trust that my Heavenly Father is walking with me, keeping me safe and is able to see further than my sudden near-sightedness.

utah, and all the various people there, i miss you.
at times, i wish that at the end of this semester i could pack everything up and be back behind the red door in time for a new season at the international cinema.

deep down, if you really asked me, i know i made the right choices.
these aren't the turns in my path i would have made for myself, but this is where my road goes, and i trust, even in the difficult footsteps.

i've found myself reading in psalms more of late.
and listening to coldplay.

but life is for living
we all know
and i don't want to live it alone

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