shall i dance?

i've written about how i'm not really afraid of the gym any more. just yesterday i spent some time with the rec center's punching bag and didn't feel the least bit self-conscious about it. i took my first weight training class sometime during the middle of my undergrad career, so after ten years and three more classes, i got where i want to be, to where i can go into the weight room and know my way around.

now i'm working on my next awkward arena: the dance floor.
not the byu stake dance kind of stuff, but the real thing. i took "social dance" at byu in the fall of 2001 and was nervous and uncoordinated but did my best. i took tap during my senior year and got a C. i'd occasionally go to the swing dancing nights at the armory on 500 S. and would do alright for the evening, even if i did, um, make a mistake now and then.... and last fall i took country western on the suggestion of my sister: "if you're in texas, you may as well learn to country dance," which sounded reasonable, despite my aversion to all things "western."
and, excepting the few missteps here and there, i did pretty well in it.

my problem is the same thing that i'd have with weight lifting: i'd forget everything the moment the class ends. i learned some really cool jitterbug moves last fall and could hardly recall them just a few weeks ago. and, in my experience, that's not a very effective way to be on the dance floor. the moves need to come naturally. but, i've learned to snowboard and i can calculate the effects of focal lengths, f-stops, and shutter speeds on my camera as second nature now, so i see no reason why i can't conquer this, too.

it took me four weight training classes, and i'm signed up for social dance this fall, which will be my fourth dance class over a similar ten-year span. and i'm trying to start going to the dance nights around town (free lessons from 8-9:30) and hopefully that wall will finally crack, too. i don't want to win any contests, but to simply know enough that i'm comfortable out there.

mostly, it just looks like fun and i want in on that.

unplugged

today was one of those days where, for no external reason, i just wanted to spend the evening with a good friend. but i haven't had much time to make many good friends down here and the one that i do have just went home for the summer.

so i pulled out my ipad and worked on sketching an idea i've had in my mind for a while. the initial design looked really good, then the it lost a lot when i started adding color, but i'm quite happy with the final product. even more when i remind myself that it was done using a chubby stylus in the space of just over two quiet company albums.
plus, my friend called and i got to talk with her while i was finishing this up.

while you were sleeping

as seems to happen roughly every two weeks this semester, i was at school all night last night. didn't leave at all. i went to the lab after work and didn't leave until it was time to go back to work this afternoon.

that being said, it wasn't too bad. i kept in good spirits (even if i got quieter as the night wore on), the computer generally cooperated in producing the results i was going for, and i had a finished piece around 6 a.m., giving me some time to experiment with some other ideas (they didn't work out.)

i've felt like i've been lagging behind in this class, and while i'm upset with myself for once again rushing to finish it at the last minute, i'm happy with today assignment. this week's work revolved around reflections, the most difficult of which was to produce caustics, the concentrated areas of light when it bounces of a curved and shiny surface. 

despite feeling very vulnerable in showing a work that isn't at a point that i would proudly put it on a demo reel, i figure i'll share it here and resist any urge to apologize for its shortcomings. (you can check out my sweet, sweet caustics on the elephant, however.)

10 weeks

my weight training teacher said something interesting a few weeks ago. in talking about how we gain muscle and strength, he said that you really don't start to see major results until after about ten weeks.
technically speaking, i think this is my fourth time i've taken a weight training class. once, my dad gave me a hug at Christmas and noted that i felt stronger and bigger, and even after just a few days of class this semester i can feel a difference in myself, but i've never noticed myself looking particularly different. and if this ten weeks thing is true, that would make sense, since the classes run just about ten weeks. so, every time, i apparently just barely miss it.

i remember once reading an excerpt from brandon flowers, the frontman of the band the killers (and cool "i'm a mormon" guy). he was saying something to the effect that there were several instances where the band wanted to break for lunch or at the end of the day, but they kept working, writing, rehearsing, and that that would be when their music really went to a new level, and he said he hated to think what it would have been like if they hadn't pushed on, if they had just stopped where they were.

i think that's even a law of physics: a great amount of force is required to get an object moving from its inertial state, but once that has been overcome and the object is in motion, much less force is required for it to continue moving.

how many things in my life are like that? how many times have i put some effort and time into a project, a skill, a relationship, and then decided that nothing was coming was happening, nothing was growing, and decided it wasn't worth my time any more? have i put in all of the hard work only to move on just before the fruits began to show?
probably.

when an h.m.i. movie light is first turned on, it requires an immense amount of electricity to jump the gap between the two electrodes and create the electrical arc that produces the light. but once that initial arc is successful, it operates at a much lower voltage.

and so i'm working to be better about sticking with something and seeing what comes from it. because after those ten weeks is when it really gets good.

blackbird

walking home tonight, in rain that was thankfully not that cold, i was thinking about walking home in the rain.

i thought of how i went through four years at byu, never really having someone to walk home with, or to meet up with after class. and i wondered if i'd make it through my time here at a&m the same way.

i'd like to have someone to meet me at work, after everyone else in the office has gone home.
to have someone come and sit with me in the lab some nights when i'm there late.
someone to do a soda run with, or to go grab a box of layne's chicken together.
or to simply have someone wanting to see me at the end of the day.

i have a girl in colorado that i'm getting to know and she's great.
in utah, she's a four-hour drive. that's doable for a weekend visit.
but in texas, that distance is a bit more.

so, i'm trying to figure things out.

and one of these days, i'll have that oscar post up.